I have not been very active on this blog lately–partially because of trying to focus on my tasks at home, but mostly because I have had quite the writer’s block! I feel that I really want to share some things that have been going on with me personally in hopes that it will be an encouragement to you as the reader of this blog.Over the past few months I have have felt myself going in a downward spiral–some days I would seem to be “up”, but I was continuing to go deeper and deeper into a self-absorbed depression. I was anxious most of the time and had very unrealistic and untrue thoughts and doubts about the people closest to me. I was beginning to come to the conclusion that I was really losing touch with reality.
Then yesterday, God spoke to my heart. He showed me an area in my life that I had allowed to become a hindrance to a close relationship with Him. That area has to do with my identity. Since coming home to be with my family full time, I have been trying to replace the identity that I had at work with things and people around me now.
But those things can’t replace the identity I have in Christ. Knowing I am His child–that I am loved and cherished by my Father–that my identity comes from being in fellowship with Him–and nothing else can satisfy me as much as a relationship with Him can–this is what God spoke to me yesterday.
As I was sharing this with my husband who, by the way, is so wonderfully patient and beautiful (inside and out), I felt a sense of peace totally consume me. The act of recognizing this issue in my life, speaking it to those around me and allowing it to really penetrate my heart and completely basking in the love that God has for me has brought that peace to my heart.
And then this morning in my inbox….
How are we going to get a life that has no lust, no self-interest, and is not sensitive to the ridicule of others? How will we have the type of love that “is kind . . . is not provoked, [and] thinks no evil”? ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ). The only way is by allowing nothing of the old life to remain, and by having only simple, perfect trust in God— such a trust that we no longer want God’s blessings, but only want God Himself.
This is where I am choosing to live–wanting only God to be my source of identity–I fellowship with Him daily and am complete in Him. Only then can I be the absolute best wife, mother and friend that I can be.
*excerpt above was taken from My Utmost for His Highest Daily Devotional. To read the entire devotional, go here.
*Thanks to Public Domain Pictures for the use of the rainbow photo