The Calling
I have been listening to some news reports that really leave me with a sadness in my heart. The subject is one that many women deal with daily as they support their husbands in their ministry to pastor a church.
The recent story about the pastor’s wife from Alabama that disappeared after a Living Proof conference in Louisiana is one that is sad and has me wondering if this is a real concern among pastor’s wives as a whole. Obviously, this story and the one in Tennessee are isolated events that should not lead us to point fingers at a wife’s calling to support her husband in this ministry, but I believe we should begin to look at the toll that this takes on the women, and the men that they support, as they put their lives out there for all to question.
I am not the wife of a pastor, so I cannot presume to know what exactly takes place “behind the scenes”. However, I have talked with many pastor’s wives that indicate that this is not an easy road to walk. Listening to people criticize their husband, expecting to fill the duties of a pastor’s wife (nursery worker, organizer, pianist, greeter, supporter, etc.) but most of all the loneliness that is produced by trying to fulfill all these roles (you can’t be everything to everyone) could make anyone wonder “Is this really the way it’s supposed to be?”
What can we be doing differently? How can we support and encourage those that believe this is God’s calling on their lives? My husband and I do not take part in a traditional church setting (we are in fellowship with other believers, but we meet in each other’s homes), but I have many friends that are or used to be a pastor’s wife. I want to be able to encourage them and be a source of comfort (which I can do because I’m not in the system–many families that minister within the traditional church setting find it difficult to get close to others within that same system–but that’s a discussion for another post) If you are within that system, though, what can you do?
- Encourage each other
- Show love
- Seek peace
- Exude Joy
- Pray for one another
- Be transparent
- Be like Jesus
I don’t know the personal situations of the families that we hear of in the news, but I do believe it is a sad commentary for Christians to have a person hiding behind the persona of a pastor’s wife, but dying inside for a lack of true companionship, relationships and love.
May we have our eyes opened to the “person” behind that persona and reach out to them with the love that has been so freely granted to us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
[...] My lovely wife has recently written a post about this topic, based on some recent news articles. I would encourage you to go to her blog and read “The Calling“. She offers some good thoughts on what those within the conventional system can do to help alleviate this problem. Here’s a quote to whet your appetite: I don’t know the personal situations of the families that we hear of in the news, but I do believe it is a sad commentary for Christians to have a person hiding behind the persona of a pastor’s wife, but dying inside for a lack of true companionship, relationships and love. [...]
April 6th, 2007 | #
Christy,
Great post! This is a great need within the institutional church today. I believe that transparency is vital in ministry and relationships. Until people see that you are being real with them, they will never truly open up to you. There will be no real relationship. If that doesn’t happen, you’ll never truly set them free, you’ll only teach them how to put on their church face and be a good church member.
We have some friends in the ministry (2 couples actually) that we are able to be totally transparent with and they are a treasure to us! My wife can be who she is rather than who the church thinks she should be and I can just be totally honest with both of these men. I feel for those who do not know friendship like these in the ministry…Like Steve said, “It can be lonely at the top.”
Be blessed…
Brandon
April 7th, 2007 | #
Brandon- I couldn’t agree with you more! And I am so glad you are able to find other couples that you can be “real” with. I am sure it is an encouragement to you and also gives the other couples an opportunity to be transparent as well.
Thanks for stopping by… feel free to come again!
Blessings to you
April 7th, 2007 | #
Thanks for this post, Christy. I appreciate the thought that you put into prepareing this article. Many times there are hard times in the ministry, but there have been joyful times also. Yet that could be said of any Christian. I think that God gives each person the exact resources that they need to accomplish the task before them. He is working on me and teaching me things about him and how to minister to those in need. He is faithful to help when we need help, comfort when needed and special friends to encourage us when we need it the most. Without the trials we would never know the true depth of his compassion and love. He is a Great God!
April 9th, 2007 | #
Amy- Thanks for understanding my heart in this post. I agree with you totally that God gives us what we need to accomplish the task He sets before us. I appreciate your attitude….your faith in God is so evident.
Much love, my dear friend
April 9th, 2007 | #
Hello Christy, I am a reader of your hubby’s blog and also meet with believers outside the traditional church. Popped over from his site…
Personally I think these examples are perfect examples of how the system doesn’t work. I have also been a pastor’s wife and believe me, it is nigh to impossible to find a friend when in that position. Meeting with other believers outside of tradition, on a peer level, provides much more opportunity although it is not a cure all either, for ministers and their wives are often strong personalities who are not used to allowing dependence on others to invade their lives,nor are they comfortable with equality in a Christian setting, nor for that matter are other believers comfortable with it. I do feel though that that very equality is the norming factor and much more what Christ had in mind when the Church was born.
April 11th, 2007 | #
jadasgigi Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you that the examples that I have presented are very difficult to work within the conventional model of church. And yes, it is difficult for believers that meet in homes to “get used to” being equal with one another because it is something very foreign to us because of what we have been taught. So, I have grown so much during the time we have been involved in simple church and can’t see myself going back to what I used to do. It is hard at times because I am one that desires the fellowship of other believers and there have been several dry spells in that regard, but God is always faithful…my only task is to wait and when He leads, obey.
Thanks again for comment and you are welcome anytime!
April 11th, 2007 | #